Dr Paul I just had my a-ha on the self-inflicted pressure.  it is a protection mechanism that feeds an attitude and striving that makes it literally impossible for me to have ever been happy had I not started this journey.  it is so clear to me now...so, so clear.  look forward to discussing!  YOU ARE THE MAN!!  thank you for changing my life and guiding me in this process.  as we said, it is a life time journey, but I can't really describe how good I feel now and have for the past week or so.